GOD, please no more things like this. .

ignore the previous emotional entry. I was unstable at that particular time. Luckily it was semester hols now, if not, my temper will burst onto my students. Sheesh!..

I don’t know what to do . I am at my dead end.

I am blur. For whatever –ve stuff ive been tinking on doin, it’s all satan’s doing. Naudzubillahminzalik.

Thank GOD I’ve been given a good friends. They might not be my best friend, but they are there to listen. :’((

I’ve only learned that, a bestfriend is not the only person u can rely on when u’ve problem, a bestfriend wouldn’t even b able to b by urside everytime to lend their shoulders for u to cry, bestfriend can only say things they think would comfort us without understanding the whole things except one – you need to b comfort.

And during my lowest & depressed moment currently, I’ve managed to talk to my colleague cum high school friends – she was totally +ve person, and I’ve admire her for being herself, optimist, cool & strong. I’ve no doubt if student would like her for what she is. She is considerable & comfortable to be with. I thank GOD for having her, and for that, I am getting better a bit, and I’ve learned that, hypocrite & controlling emotion when confront problems are two different things. . I just learned that. Stupid me. I know.

Then, that’s just that. I thought things would get better, but I don’t believe now stuff would go well for me. GOD really tests me for what I am. And I almost crack down by HIM. I try to recall my friends advice, to control emotion, . . and I’ve tried, but I am not really good at controlling expression. I smile when people talk to me, but I can feel the smile dint cover my mixed feelings at the moment. The whole day, I feel really depressed, and cant do anything right. I keep thinking how can I disappear from home for even a day?? Silly me.

I asked kakak to pick me up if she going out to KK later after she got home.coz I said I don’t wanna go home early. But she said, ok lah, we go back lambat lah. Luckily she agreed.

I msg my bestfwens who in KL. I would like to apologized for my wrongdoing. Just in case, if things happen. Then when she reply, I crack into tears. Kakak noticed, I am in the middle of problem. On our way back, she keeps asking why, and what’s wrong. I said , nothing. Well, it surely nothing, I mean, I am not ready, I am not sure to tell her what’s wrong. And, before we reached home, she asked again, and I broke into tears. And she said, go ahead, cried. If u wanna cry, cry. Don’t hold it, bcoz u need to let it out. She actually wanna finished up her assignment, but then, when she sees me acting that way, she getting worried. And she bring me to taman at our neighbourhood & ask me to tell her everything. And there I am..

I am feeling much better after that. And the end of the misery will be cure by extrasleeping.

Alhamdulillah, I am getting much better now. For two days of sudden problem, I would like to thank for two people who comes to my rescue. I hope I’ll be strong after this. And GOD, please no more things like this. I pray to you. Please. Give me strength.

=’’((

i just wanna smile. like tis alwiz . . ='(